Saturday, January 8, 2011

New Year

Hello Friends!

It has been a long time since I've posted or have been here. What's new? My boyfriend and I figured things out and we're back on track. Every relationship has it's bumps and we just happened to hit a big one. I gave him a bit of a wake up call and he understood where I was coming from. Things have gotten better.

Since the new year, I've been looking out for myself a lot more. Hence that it has only been a week... but it's progress and it's something. I've gone to the gym and worked out everyday this week except for Thursday. I am very proud of that :) It is time to make that change happen that I talked about oh so long ago when I first started posting. It's a new year. Resolutions are to be made and this is my only one: to loose weight. No surprise to you as I'm sure that it is about 80% of America's New Year Resolution. I will not quit and I will stay strong. That's my main goal. I want to feel good and feel beautiful. I want that engagement ring! I'm ready to be on my boyfriend's (hopefully then fiance's) arm and have guys look at me and go, "Wow." I want to go shopping and not have to worry about if clothes are going to fit me or not. I don't want to feel lazy anymore.

So there it is. Getting back on track and staying focused. It'll be a tough ride but with support by my side, it won't be so bad.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

30 Day Notice

I feel that I always have these "moments" where I reanalyze everything. This particular situation really sucks:

I am giving my boyfriend a "30 day notice" to be better. I'm so tired of playing the role of his mom and not having a voice in arguments. There is no more passion or love it seems. We have been together what's going on 7 years in December... but I can't believe that this may be it if he doesn't shape up. So much time and energy lost. Here's the list:

1. Smoking- It's disgusting, revolting, smells, dirty, makes him stupid. It's also really expensive and I'm sick of "supporting" his cause (supporting is in quotes because our money is mingled together.)

2. Beowulf- A 200 lb. dog that is coming to live with us starting TOMORROW who by the way, isn't so fond of me and I'm EXTREMELY nervous how the kids are going to be around him, and vice versa.

3. Video Games- I understand a guy likes his games. They're his veg-out time and instead of my boyfriend being into sports, he plays games. This particular game *cough* Modern Warefare 2 *cough* is ridiculous. He's swearing, angry, upset, happy, swearing some more... way too much. He plays it the moment he wakes up til when he leaves for work, from when he comes home til bed. Not so great. He also believes that when he has kids one day, that he'll still be playing. Hell. No.

4. Friends- They are all around 21 yrs old. None of them are around his age, or even close. He's 30 in January. Perhaps this is why he's unmotivated and enjoys the video games and smoking. He doesn't have someone to look up to with the exception of his stepfather whom he won't hang around unless he needs something :(

5. No Loving- I can't help but to feel disgusting as a girl if I don't get that "attention." Is he not into me right now because I'm fat, he's stressed, he's got better things to do, too tired... this list can go on. We kiss when we leave for somewhere, and maybe get one when we come home and maybe at night before bed. We hardly even cuddle anymore.

6. No Voice- No matter what kind of argument or disagreement we get into, he's right. It's not something that he takes both sides into consideration and he's stuck on what he wants to do and how rather than taking in my opinion. For instance- Beowulf & Kids (Kittens). We talked openly about having the kids and what it would entail. It was a few week process before he gave the ok. Notice: HE GAVE THE OK. For me, there is none of that. Beowulf is coming here and that's that. You knew this day was coming (where I was praying in that back of my mind that it would never happen) and that I should be patient and that Beowulf will come to love and all will be good. Thing is, he doesn't think these things through! He works 12 hour shifts daily so who's going to take him outside and deal with him tearing up the room because he's a 200 lb. DOG! ME! The whole reason why I decided on kittens and not a dog is because they're lower maintenace! They pee in a litter box and you don't have to walk them. That's it!

I'm praying that he'll come to his senses and it won't be a one day ordeal, where he'll follow through with everything and then stop for the next 29 days. This is it. I've tried and tried and worked so hard to make this work. This is becoming a one sided relationship... I'm sad that I have to do this.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

One Step Closer

I found a part-time gig at a local regional theatre company here in Cleveland. It's nothing too fancy, but I call past subscribers and single ticket holders who are/once supported the theatre to see if they would subscribe with us this season. I had a test run today to get a feel how the office works and listened to some potential co-workers as to what their script is and such. Although telemarketing isn't my first choice, it's one step closer to where I potentially want to be. It feels really good to be back in the theatre. It feels very familiar, although there are some differences. Almost like I'm back "home." I go back on Thursday and get to make some calls and get some feedback. After that, they'll let me know if they want me or not. Pretty exciting :)

As for other things in life, there's not much more happening. My "kids" are growing up so fast! I was just looking at pictures and it's amazing how big they get in such a short period of time!

The first picture is Kratos at 1 month and the second is Kratos now (4 months). Craziness!

That's all for now :)

Thursday, August 26, 2010


It was my birthday this past Monday. I hit the big 2-5. It really put my life in perspective in what i've been doing and where I've been going. I almost feel like a broken record when it comes down to what I need to do and go in life.

Today I did the job search again. There are 12 possibilities so there has be be 1 out there who will take me! I need to get out of Red Lobster. It's been a year now since I've been there. Kind of crazy. Ideally, I'd like to be done before Endless Shrimp starts. It is utterly chaotic when that comes and people end up sitting in your section longer than normal, therefore getting less tables and less money :(

Well, for my birthday, my friends chipped in for a season subscription to Playhouse Square's Broadway Series! I am extremely excited to be attending the shows! I love plays and especially musicals! It's been since April when I saw my friend's play in Virginia. It's been too long. My boyfriend got me a Wii, along with a Wii Fit Plus! That was extremely surprising. My guy and I also went to Cedar Point to celebrate my day. It was really nice to hang out with him and being outside. My sister couldn't make it for my day, so she's coming up this weekend to hang out with me. I'm really excited!

As a random sidenote- My kittens are doing well. They're getting so big! It is almost time for the neuter/declaw. I hope all goes well with that...

That's all I have for now, but until then... I'm still working hard at my goals and trying to become that "big girl."

Thursday, July 29, 2010

How I've Started

So I figure I'll start with the little things and progressively add on:

I've cut out soda. It is SO hard! It's been really a week and a half, but especially working at a restaurant and that soda machine is there... I have to double think about tapping that Coke. It's out of habit that I realized how much soda I actually drink. Kicking that whole caffeine kick, and the headaches, that was the hardest. It's like you're addicted and you know caffeine will cure your headache so you drink and have soda to cure it. At least that's what I did. That was rough. I'm still working on it. I've caught myself a few times pouring it in my cone cup at work, but then I pour it out and grab water or light lemonade. At least there's another option besides water to drink there.

I've also cut out red meat. It's really easy for me to order burgers to go before work and while I'm out. I figure red meat for now is a good option to cut out because of how often I eat it. I started that on Sunday. I have to say, there are not a lot of options out there in the fast food world that don't involve burgers. There are chicken sandwiches at those places, but I also think about what's on them and if they really are a better option. I've been eating a lot chicken salads. It helps that it's summer so I'm not eating as heavy of meals.

Fried foods. Oh man! This I started on Sunday as well. My relationship with my beloved french fries has ended. I'm so heartbroken. I don't eat fried chicken so that's not a problem. I do miss my french fries... *tear*

I'm also taking into consideration how much and when I eat. I figure those few things will help with the weight loss without the empty calories and the bad food choices. I hope it helps. I hear about so many people that stop drinking soda and all of the weight they loose because they're no longer taking in all of those calories. The fast food and how many calories are in a Jr. Whopper, plus the fries and the soda. That's 1,000 Calories! Bleh.

This upcoming Sunday, there will be something else that I need derive from but I haven't figured it out yet. I suppose it could be candy bars. Perhaps I'll wait one more week for that one until I can find healthier chocolate options. I know there are those 100 Calorie snacks out there and hopefully it will help my chocolate cravings. Mmmm...

So that's all I have for now. I just figured I'd share with you what I've been up to and how I've been handling it. Voss has been extremely helpful. He's even eaten salads with me, but with his metabolism, he needs to eat 4x more than I do so he doesn't get scrawny. Misery enjoys company.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Work vs. Life

For the past few days, I've been thinking about how I've been living my life and here's what it came to:

At work, I've noticed that I'm hard driven, on a mission, get things done, impatient and an overachiever. If I apply this to my life outside of work, I would get things done! It may be that because it is a job (although it's only waitressing) that I care more about how I present myself at work at the things I do are professional and isn't making me look bad. I'm on stage per se. Whereas, at home, no one knows what I'm doing unless there's a change in my life that I'm excited (or not) about and then the world knows.

What I'm trying to say is, I REALLY need to get the ball rolling. I've noticed that I'm lazy, want to relax, play my games, stay organized and clean (for the most part) and it really needs to change. I wonder how this is going to work. There needs to be more motivation for me. Someone needs to kick me in the butt and say "Get moving!" I've been living in my new place for a month now and it's time I do get that ball rolling. If there was some type of reward system, pat on the back, or whatever... maybe I'd get the job done like I get it done at work. Perhaps I should treat my life like work... maybe I'll feel overloaded and strung out if I do that.


Friday, July 16, 2010

How He's Grown

So the kitten has a name! His name is Kratos. He's gotten so big!

Here is Tiger and Psyclops playing with my purse Psy's head was in my strap but I didn't catch it in time.

Things are going well for them. They just about have all of their shots and we're getting rid of some sneezing. Nothing is coming out, the Doc thinks it may be part of an upper resp infection that was passed down to them. They are so crazy and so cute. Tiger especially loves to jump on your legs and attack your feet. Kratos is very loving and likes attention when he wants it. Psyclops is more of the quiet, shy one but will play when his brothers attack him.

The other cats in the house aren't gone yet so the kittens can't roam just yet. I'm afraid they're going to find places to hide and never want to come out. I almost want to keep them in my room (where they have plenty of running around and playing to do) so they don't get into anything or get lost. I guess that's what being a mom is all about right? Haha!

So that's my mini update. I really need to start remembering I have this blog so I can post more frequently :) Have a happy day!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

A New Friend

So I moved! Yay! Right now, it's my boyfriend and I in our room, Brandon (our roomie) downstairs, as well as Brandon's mom and little brother. Brandon's mom and brother will be out in a couple of weeks. It is nice to have a woman in the house to talk to and such. It's really sad that her boys take so much advantage of her. She does a lot of work. I kind of want to do something for her. Anyways, all is going well so far here. It's nice, the room is big, and we have a new addition to the family! We think it's a boy and it's about 7 weeks old. It is absolutely adorable and I love him to death. There is no name yet. Probably within the week my bf and I will have something picked out when I take it to the vet and get its tags and stuff. It will be neutered/spayed and declawed. As much as I woul hate to, it needs to be done. No scratches and spraying please!

Today is the first real day it's been away from home and from its mother. Last night was a rough night for him. He is really scared and wouldn't eat or use the litter box. He played for a little bit but mostly walked around and slept. But this morning everything was fine! He ate breakfast and used the litter box! I hope he keeps it up.