Thursday, September 16, 2010

30 Day Notice

I feel that I always have these "moments" where I reanalyze everything. This particular situation really sucks:

I am giving my boyfriend a "30 day notice" to be better. I'm so tired of playing the role of his mom and not having a voice in arguments. There is no more passion or love it seems. We have been together what's going on 7 years in December... but I can't believe that this may be it if he doesn't shape up. So much time and energy lost. Here's the list:

1. Smoking- It's disgusting, revolting, smells, dirty, makes him stupid. It's also really expensive and I'm sick of "supporting" his cause (supporting is in quotes because our money is mingled together.)

2. Beowulf- A 200 lb. dog that is coming to live with us starting TOMORROW who by the way, isn't so fond of me and I'm EXTREMELY nervous how the kids are going to be around him, and vice versa.

3. Video Games- I understand a guy likes his games. They're his veg-out time and instead of my boyfriend being into sports, he plays games. This particular game *cough* Modern Warefare 2 *cough* is ridiculous. He's swearing, angry, upset, happy, swearing some more... way too much. He plays it the moment he wakes up til when he leaves for work, from when he comes home til bed. Not so great. He also believes that when he has kids one day, that he'll still be playing. Hell. No.

4. Friends- They are all around 21 yrs old. None of them are around his age, or even close. He's 30 in January. Perhaps this is why he's unmotivated and enjoys the video games and smoking. He doesn't have someone to look up to with the exception of his stepfather whom he won't hang around unless he needs something :(

5. No Loving- I can't help but to feel disgusting as a girl if I don't get that "attention." Is he not into me right now because I'm fat, he's stressed, he's got better things to do, too tired... this list can go on. We kiss when we leave for somewhere, and maybe get one when we come home and maybe at night before bed. We hardly even cuddle anymore.

6. No Voice- No matter what kind of argument or disagreement we get into, he's right. It's not something that he takes both sides into consideration and he's stuck on what he wants to do and how rather than taking in my opinion. For instance- Beowulf & Kids (Kittens). We talked openly about having the kids and what it would entail. It was a few week process before he gave the ok. Notice: HE GAVE THE OK. For me, there is none of that. Beowulf is coming here and that's that. You knew this day was coming (where I was praying in that back of my mind that it would never happen) and that I should be patient and that Beowulf will come to love and all will be good. Thing is, he doesn't think these things through! He works 12 hour shifts daily so who's going to take him outside and deal with him tearing up the room because he's a 200 lb. DOG! ME! The whole reason why I decided on kittens and not a dog is because they're lower maintenace! They pee in a litter box and you don't have to walk them. That's it!

I'm praying that he'll come to his senses and it won't be a one day ordeal, where he'll follow through with everything and then stop for the next 29 days. This is it. I've tried and tried and worked so hard to make this work. This is becoming a one sided relationship... I'm sad that I have to do this.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

One Step Closer

I found a part-time gig at a local regional theatre company here in Cleveland. It's nothing too fancy, but I call past subscribers and single ticket holders who are/once supported the theatre to see if they would subscribe with us this season. I had a test run today to get a feel how the office works and listened to some potential co-workers as to what their script is and such. Although telemarketing isn't my first choice, it's one step closer to where I potentially want to be. It feels really good to be back in the theatre. It feels very familiar, although there are some differences. Almost like I'm back "home." I go back on Thursday and get to make some calls and get some feedback. After that, they'll let me know if they want me or not. Pretty exciting :)

As for other things in life, there's not much more happening. My "kids" are growing up so fast! I was just looking at pictures and it's amazing how big they get in such a short period of time!



The first picture is Kratos at 1 month and the second is Kratos now (4 months). Craziness!

That's all for now :)

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Birthday

It was my birthday this past Monday. I hit the big 2-5. It really put my life in perspective in what i've been doing and where I've been going. I almost feel like a broken record when it comes down to what I need to do and go in life.

Today I did the job search again. There are 12 possibilities so there has be be 1 out there who will take me! I need to get out of Red Lobster. It's been a year now since I've been there. Kind of crazy. Ideally, I'd like to be done before Endless Shrimp starts. It is utterly chaotic when that comes and people end up sitting in your section longer than normal, therefore getting less tables and less money :(

Well, for my birthday, my friends chipped in for a season subscription to Playhouse Square's Broadway Series! I am extremely excited to be attending the shows! I love plays and especially musicals! It's been since April when I saw my friend's play in Virginia. It's been too long. My boyfriend got me a Wii, along with a Wii Fit Plus! That was extremely surprising. My guy and I also went to Cedar Point to celebrate my day. It was really nice to hang out with him and being outside. My sister couldn't make it for my day, so she's coming up this weekend to hang out with me. I'm really excited!

As a random sidenote- My kittens are doing well. They're getting so big! It is almost time for the neuter/declaw. I hope all goes well with that...

That's all I have for now, but until then... I'm still working hard at my goals and trying to become that "big girl."

Thursday, July 29, 2010

How I've Started

So I figure I'll start with the little things and progressively add on:

I've cut out soda. It is SO hard! It's been really a week and a half, but especially working at a restaurant and that soda machine is there... I have to double think about tapping that Coke. It's out of habit that I realized how much soda I actually drink. Kicking that whole caffeine kick, and the headaches, that was the hardest. It's like you're addicted and you know caffeine will cure your headache so you drink and have soda to cure it. At least that's what I did. That was rough. I'm still working on it. I've caught myself a few times pouring it in my cone cup at work, but then I pour it out and grab water or light lemonade. At least there's another option besides water to drink there.

I've also cut out red meat. It's really easy for me to order burgers to go before work and while I'm out. I figure red meat for now is a good option to cut out because of how often I eat it. I started that on Sunday. I have to say, there are not a lot of options out there in the fast food world that don't involve burgers. There are chicken sandwiches at those places, but I also think about what's on them and if they really are a better option. I've been eating a lot chicken salads. It helps that it's summer so I'm not eating as heavy of meals.

Fried foods. Oh man! This I started on Sunday as well. My relationship with my beloved french fries has ended. I'm so heartbroken. I don't eat fried chicken so that's not a problem. I do miss my french fries... *tear*

I'm also taking into consideration how much and when I eat. I figure those few things will help with the weight loss without the empty calories and the bad food choices. I hope it helps. I hear about so many people that stop drinking soda and all of the weight they loose because they're no longer taking in all of those calories. The fast food and how many calories are in a Jr. Whopper, plus the fries and the soda. That's 1,000 Calories! Bleh.

This upcoming Sunday, there will be something else that I need derive from but I haven't figured it out yet. I suppose it could be candy bars. Perhaps I'll wait one more week for that one until I can find healthier chocolate options. I know there are those 100 Calorie snacks out there and hopefully it will help my chocolate cravings. Mmmm...

So that's all I have for now. I just figured I'd share with you what I've been up to and how I've been handling it. Voss has been extremely helpful. He's even eaten salads with me, but with his metabolism, he needs to eat 4x more than I do so he doesn't get scrawny. Misery enjoys company.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Work vs. Life

For the past few days, I've been thinking about how I've been living my life and here's what it came to:

At work, I've noticed that I'm hard driven, on a mission, get things done, impatient and an overachiever. If I apply this to my life outside of work, I would get things done! It may be that because it is a job (although it's only waitressing) that I care more about how I present myself at work at the things I do are professional and isn't making me look bad. I'm on stage per se. Whereas, at home, no one knows what I'm doing unless there's a change in my life that I'm excited (or not) about and then the world knows.

What I'm trying to say is, I REALLY need to get the ball rolling. I've noticed that I'm lazy, want to relax, play my games, stay organized and clean (for the most part) and it really needs to change. I wonder how this is going to work. There needs to be more motivation for me. Someone needs to kick me in the butt and say "Get moving!" I've been living in my new place for a month now and it's time I do get that ball rolling. If there was some type of reward system, pat on the back, or whatever... maybe I'd get the job done like I get it done at work. Perhaps I should treat my life like work... maybe I'll feel overloaded and strung out if I do that.

Suggestions?

Friday, July 16, 2010

How He's Grown


So the kitten has a name! His name is Kratos. He's gotten so big!



Here is Tiger and Psyclops playing with my purse Psy's head was in my strap but I didn't catch it in time.

Things are going well for them. They just about have all of their shots and we're getting rid of some sneezing. Nothing is coming out, the Doc thinks it may be part of an upper resp infection that was passed down to them. They are so crazy and so cute. Tiger especially loves to jump on your legs and attack your feet. Kratos is very loving and likes attention when he wants it. Psyclops is more of the quiet, shy one but will play when his brothers attack him.

The other cats in the house aren't gone yet so the kittens can't roam just yet. I'm afraid they're going to find places to hide and never want to come out. I almost want to keep them in my room (where they have plenty of running around and playing to do) so they don't get into anything or get lost. I guess that's what being a mom is all about right? Haha!

So that's my mini update. I really need to start remembering I have this blog so I can post more frequently :) Have a happy day!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

A New Friend

So I moved! Yay! Right now, it's my boyfriend and I in our room, Brandon (our roomie) downstairs, as well as Brandon's mom and little brother. Brandon's mom and brother will be out in a couple of weeks. It is nice to have a woman in the house to talk to and such. It's really sad that her boys take so much advantage of her. She does a lot of work. I kind of want to do something for her. Anyways, all is going well so far here. It's nice, the room is big, and we have a new addition to the family! We think it's a boy and it's about 7 weeks old. It is absolutely adorable and I love him to death. There is no name yet. Probably within the week my bf and I will have something picked out when I take it to the vet and get its tags and stuff. It will be neutered/spayed and declawed. As much as I woul hate to, it needs to be done. No scratches and spraying please!

Today is the first real day it's been away from home and from its mother. Last night was a rough night for him. He is really scared and wouldn't eat or use the litter box. He played for a little bit but mostly walked around and slept. But this morning everything was fine! He ate breakfast and used the litter box! I hope he keeps it up.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Time to Move!

In 2 short days, the moving date will have arrived. I'm cringing looking around my room because it's such a mess, and I'm not one for messes. We're moving in with my boyfriend's friends, but still looking for our own place in the meantime. I'm not getting too excited with the moving factor just because this is my 4th time moving in 2 years. I can't hold a moving record, haha!

I've joined a women's gym within the past week. I haven't seen any weight loss yet, but I'm hoping that will change with the gym. I probably wasn't doing enough cardio and plus my eating habits don't help either. Hopefully all will change with the move. I can begin cooking and not having weird eating schedules. That would be even more helpful if I found a better job...

The xbox broke about a week ago as well. It's interesting to watch my boyfriend roam around not knowing what to do anymore. He's really a lost puppy dog. But it's nice to have my guy back in a way so he's not sucked into the television and can focus on me which has finally been happening since it broke. But withoug hesitation, he bought a new one and won't be hooking it up until them move. I'm trying to keep him focused and nothing will get done if it was hooked up.

I'm hoping some good comes out of all of this. What I really want is some girl time. Hanging around with a bunch of boys and cleaning up after them is making me realize that I'm taking care of them rather than myself. I need to figure out what I did for fun because somehow, I can't remember. That's my mission for this week. Hopefully I'll get a lot more girl time in and the move will keep me busy otherwise.

That's about all I have. Hope all is well and have a great day :)

Friday, June 4, 2010

Where Am I?

Once again, it has been way too long since I've posted last. I have to say too, that my internet isn't the best since it's wireless and the router is downstairs in another apartment (with permissions of course!). For an upside to that, I am moving in 10 days and have absolutely nothing ready because my boyfriend and I are procrastinators. That last part isn't really positive and being procrastinators doesn't help either of us, haha! I'm just excited to be moving and being in a better place and hopefully able to save some money for my goals and all. This place is supposed to work everything out. Anyways, I just wanted to say that I haven't forgotten about you and I'll be back on the banwagon soon enough :)

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

What's Been Happening?

So you may have realized that I haven't posted anything in a while. My computer was being upgraded and I haven't had any really great news... except for one I suppose.

My boyfriend and I went ring shopping last Thursday. It was fun, but a little nerve racking. I have never tried on rings before and to be looking at engagement rings was kind or surreal. I picked out an engagement ring and a wedding band, and that's the one my boyfriend will get me (so he says) one day when he's ready. I was kind of disappointed because the girl who was showing me the rings, wanted him to purchase it right then and there! Thank goodness that he didn't. I don't want to know when he's going to buy the ring because wouldn't there be a proposal soon thereafter? I don't want to know when he's going to propose! I just wanted to look to see what was out there and see what I liked. So that was fun :)

I didn't go to church this week due to work conflicts, so I haven't been able to post about that. I did go on Mother's Day and learned that to be a Mother, you need to have patience with your children, and teach them the difference between wants and needs, and show them what the costs are or the price they'll pay for them. What you do as a parent will effect generations to come. Have a healthy fear of God as should your children have for you. Those who show love for God, will heal the thousands of generations to come. You need to impress your children by teaching them diligently and show them God does all and show them God's word. God promises his presence, provision, purpose, protection, prosperity and promise. Love the Lord with ALL of your mind, soul, strength and heart. The sermon didn't pertain to me, but it will someday.

As for the weight loss.. I've been kind of slumming it for the past few days. I'm not sure if I'll have any weight loss reported by Sunday. We'll see though :) I'm trying to stay optimistic and keep my eating under control.

So, that's all I have for now. I'll see you Sunday, if not sooner :)

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Dealing With Problem People

Progress Report:
Original Weight- 175
Current Weight- 175

So I didn't loose any weight. It was my first real week of exercising and nothing came out of it yet. I hope this doesn't end up stressing me out in the end. All in all, I think I better watch what I eat (which is extremely hard since there is no food in the house and I don't have a kitchen to cook in, and get out of work late some nights). I must move on :)

I went to church today. I really want to start attending more often. I've been getting a lot of good sermons out of the services and it's been helping think more about the bigger picture. Here's what I learned today:

Today's sermon was about "Dealing With Problem People."

In 2 Timothy 4.9-13, 19-21"Do your best to come to me quickly, for Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and has gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, and Titus to Dalmatia. Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry. I sent Tychicus to Ephesus. When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, and my scrolls, especially the parchments. (19-21) Greet Priscilla and Aquila and the household of Onesiphorus. Eratus stayed in Corinth, and I left Trophimus sick in Miletus. Do your best to get here before winter. Eubulus greets you, and so do Pudens, Linus, Claudia and all the brothers." This goes to show that people are important, because relationships are critical. But what also happens is, where there are people, this is also often conflict. In closing his "final words" in 2 Timothy, Paul speaks to 3 types of problem people:

1. The ones we helped create. For those, swallow your pride and do all you can to reconcile. For this, you need to rekindle and relationship you have ever betrayed. Ask for forgiveness and toss the ball in their court to either accept, or not to play back. It's you that needs to make the first amend, whether it's your fault or not. This one is extremely tricky, especially when there may be thin ice.

2. The ones who purposefully week to hurt us. For those, turn them over to GOD for His perfect justice. You are not justified to vengeance because GOD will do it for it's His will. In 2 Timothy 4.14-15, "Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done." This is for those who seek out to hurt you. You have to leave it in God's hands.

3. The ones who hurt us out of their own weakness. For those, let go and hurt God, not people. In 2 Timothy 4.16-18, "At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them. But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might here it. And I was delivered from the lion's mouth. The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory forever and ever. Amen."

So there's what I learned as well as a mini sermon. This helped me understand what I need to do for the people in my life. I need to appreciate people more and keep relationships strong. Mend any broken bond and make sure there are no misunderstandings. But how to you mend something that the other person will attack you for fixing? Leave for Him is suppose?

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Sunday's Preview

I would like to share with you every Sunday what my progress is on my goals (which are listed in the previous entry).

Sunday is my day of rest from exercising mainly. With that, I want to share how other things are going as well. I want to share with you the weight I've lost (or gained) and how the bills/home is coming along. I really can't help the home aspect without fixing the credit first.

You will also see and before and after picture of me once my goal weight is completed. Usually the person looks nothing like they did before they lost the weight, but I want to see how it effects me and what I looked like then and now when the time comes. I think it'll be fun :)

So that's the preview for Sunday's. See you tomorrow!

Monday, April 26, 2010

5 Goals

So today, I've decided I'm going to share with you my goals and missions in life. I figure it's a good start and maybe a good plan to share with others so we can all help each other in the end.

1. LOOSE WEIGHT: I'm 175 lbs. I'm not too thrilled about it. I was 130 in high school and due to stress and feeling comfortable around my boyfriend eating everything under the sun didn't help. I want to come back down to 130-140 range. I'm giving a 10 lb range because I want to know that when I hit 140, I'm almost there and I have that little bit more to go. It is going to be a lot of work. I started this goal a week ago. Hopefully something will come out of it.

2. WORK IN MY CAREER: I have a B.A. in Business Administration/Arts Management/Music. What have I been doing with this? Really nothing right now. I'm a waitress waiting for my big shot. Granted I'm 2 years out of school and of those 2 years, I worked 9 months as an Assistant Box Office Manager at a LORT Theater in Norfolk, VA. Apparently it's not enough to get a job back home in Cleveland since it's been a year. Ideally, I'd like to book talents and shows, organize festivals and concert series. There isn't too much out there right now.

3. FIX MY CREDIT: From 2004-now, I have supported myself. When my parents moved away, I had to fend for myself. So when I got credit cards, I put grocery's, books, clothes and a computer on them. I haven't been able to pay anything because of how little I'm paid. Yes, though I'm a waitress, I don't work enough to make a living out of it and also don't want do because it's not what I want to do. I don't want to be trapped and get in a habit of working in the restaurant. I need to pay my student loans which are pretty much in forbearance. I'm in really big trouble and thanks to my boyfriend, he's helping me out with everything and making a lot easier on me.

4. HAVE MY OWN PLACE: What I really want is a place to call home. Somewhere where I'll feel comfortable under my own roof, have my own kitchen, set up my furniture and decorations... I can only dream right now. The fun thing is, I can taste it (if having my own place had a taste). I want to able to cook most importantly and feed my boyfriend/fiance/husband. I don't know where I'll be in the significant other aspect, but I'll take what I can get :)

5. GET MARRIED: I have been with my boyfriend for 6 1/2 years. I was in school for 4 of those years, but that's a long time regardless. We've talked on numerous occasions on how things will be, how we'd raise our kids, where we will go, what we could be doing. I see my old classmates married with houses and kids, and I want that for myself. Perhaps goals 1-4 will have to be done first...

Those are my missions and goals. Maybe having these posted will help remind me to stay on track and not to be discouraged. I truly believe that GOD has a plan for us all and that maybe I need to be more patient with life. Watch the sunrise and enjoy the breeze. Everyday is a new day, a new beginning. It's up to me to make that happen with the help of family and friends.

Let's get moving.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

A Start

So this is the beginning. You need to start from somewhere right? I'm not really sure what this blog will be all about. I suppose mostly things that I'm going through, things I do and places I go. I feel that this is more about my experiences and how I keep track of them. We'll see what happens. But I hope you enjoy reading and learning about Part of My World :)